Dancefight (TM) Makes Triumphant Return

Andy's Basement, Milwaukee--Two short weeks ago, Dancefight and Dan's personality had a lot in common: both were dead. The Sport of the New Millenium (TM) was especially facing very serious issues, such as a certain person who may or may not have the initials R.K. wanting to spend time with his girlfriend (who reportedly does in fact "like him for him") and refusing to fight. Another former Dancefighter (TM) heard what he was scheduled to do for Dancefight VI and immediately left the country. Despite losing 2/5 of our world class fighter roster, Dancefight made a spectacular return to Andy's Basement (TM) on Friday, June 9th. In front of what main event participant Rich Freese called "not quite a sellout, but a pretty good turnout" of fans, which could not have been further from the truth, the long awaited main event rematch between Dancefight World Champion Patrick Freese and Rich Freese (apparently no relation for storyline purposes) took place. While fans will have to wait for the sure to be platinum selling DVD to be released to see what happened, this reporter (and camera man, and referee, and announcer...) was treated to a five star classic match. Also, the remaining 3/5ths of the roster once again began seriously discussing the filming of other Dancefight VI fights, including the often talked about and probably by this time over hyped Shower of Power match (TM).

Special Message To All Dancefight Fans: Unlike Dan's personality, Dancefight cannot be killed by going out with a psychotic bitch.

Dancefight - For the Fans

By: Andy "The Pants Violator" Spitzer

In observation of Dancefight(TM)'s historic two year anniversary, which is our highest numbered anniversary yet, we here at Xanga.com/dancefight decided to have our fans vote for the top 4 matches in Dancefight history. When Xanga.com/dancefight realized we didn't have any fans, we decided to blindfold random strangers and have them point at a chart containing a list of past Dancefight (TM) fights. These are the results:

#4.) "The TV Big Shot" Andy S. v.s. "Our Announcer" John --  First Ever and Last Ever Lightsaber on a Ceiling Match --Dancefight 5 Prom Bomb

This fight narrowly edged out Andy v.s. Blue Azul's trip to the park in Dancefight 3, but this one made the list mainly because Andy remembered to take off his glasses before the fight started, which made the fight actually watchable. The long running feud (stretching over 2 shows) between Andy and John reached a boiling point at the formal wear required Prom Bomb event. In what started out as a regular fight for Andy's Dancefight Hardcore Title (TM) quickly turned into a lightsaber duel when John used the force to obtain the second lightsaber that was left in The Executive Board's office (It was either he used the force or he pulled on some string attached to the lightsaber). The fight quickly spilled outside, where Andy took the upper hand and sliced off John's arm. In a recent phone interview, "The Pants" had this to say about his biggest win to date: "I gotta ask John and all our fans one question: One armed man, won't you give him a haaaaannnnnnnnd?"

#3.) Blue Azul v.s. El Hombre Rojo -- First Ever Dancefight Hardcore Match --Dancefight 2 School's Out...For Now (Dancefight 2 is also known in some parts of Puerto Rico as "This Time It's Somewhat Business, Kind Of")

After "The Pants" killed The Masked Warrior De Brazil in the best non-main event match of the night, The Masked Warrior's old comrades wanted revenge. And they also wanted to fight with weapons. And possibly for a championship. Dancefight executives took all of that under advisement, and set up the first ever Hardcore Dancefight. Not only could you use weapons while fighting, but whoever ended up winning would win the Dancefight Hardcore Championship and get a once in a lifetime opportunity to fight Andy "The Pants" Spitzer. Fans that were on hand (all two of them) were treated to some spectacular action during the match. Weapons such as a tinfoil cooking sheet, empty toilet paper rolls, and the brutal and dangerous steel matresses were all used by both men. The end came in the second round, where Blue Azul nicely placed Rojo on a table located just outside the Pentagon (TM). Azul then struck Rojo with the palm of his hand, sending Rojo through the table. Dancefight fans still rank this as one of the most painful (and painful to watch) finishes in Dancefight history.

#2.) Vacant

#1.) Rich "Purple Rain" Freese v.s. Pat "Flash Gordon" Freese -- Dancefight 1 Main Event

Our blindfolded poll takers selected this as the top Dancefight of all time and for good reason: this fight had it all. In front of one of our biggest crowds ever (consisting of two people), Rich took on Pat in the highly anticipated Dancefight 1 Main Event. In one of the few Dancefights to use actual wrestling and striking, fans were treated to 4 rounds of non stop action, if you don't include the many "sitting on the couch and resting during the round" segments. Fans were so enthralled by the action that they left after the second round. Towards the end of round 4, Pat got Rich in a rear naked choke and held on for two minutes, causing Rich to make hilarious gurgling sound effects. Eventually Rich tapped out, and Dancefight had its first ever champion. While Dancefight 1 answered the question of "Who is better: Pat or Rich?" one question still remains: "who the hell leaves during a Dancefight?"

A Marvelous Crisis

"All these girls say, 'I love you, Rob,' but do they love Rob, the person, or Rob, the Dancefighter?"                        

-Robby B. Marvelous

Rob struggles with this question, no doubt, every time he enters the pentagon. He is constantly harrassed by our many lady fans, and about every day someone tells him, "I love you, Rob."

Rob wants someone though who will love him for who he is. To help Rob find a woman who loves him for who he his, Patrick, Andy, Nick, Sockman, and Rob went to Mayfair Mall, dressed in traditional Middle Eastern attire, handing out pictures of Robby B. Marvelous, in order to see if there is a single woman in Milwaukee who hasn't heard of Rob. Unfortunately, not only has every girl heard of Rob, all of us were chased, because these women wanted more pictures of Robby B. Marvelous. We all saw a limo and we jumped in unsuspectingly. This limo took us to the ruler of Qutuarindad, Sharif Abdul-Quram's, Milwaukee palace. It turns out he wanted to find a husband for his beautiful daughter, Isabella. Isabella, who I must say was lovely, was having the same problem Rob was having. She was tired of people in her country saying they loved her simply because she was the princess of Qutuarindad.

Don't worry single ladies, Robby isn't getting married, him and Isabella are both good friends who have a mutual respect for each other.

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This is an actual event. We did not plagarize a New Kids on the Block movie intended for 10-year-old girls.

Greetings from the Frozen Fortress

Antigua Observes Celebratory El Azul (TM) Day

By: Mr. Fabulous Himself, Daryl Stuermer (TM) (On the Scene)

On this warm summer day in the mountain village of Antigua, South America (not to be confused with the really famous Antigua), the streets are filled with music, dancing, games, and countless other festivities. For today, the Antiguans proudly commemorate the Fourth Annual Celebratory El Azul (TM) Day.

El Azul was born in South America on February 9, 1986. In his early teens, he traveled to the nearby Antigua to pursue training as a Masked Warrior to follow in the footsteps of his older brother, The Masked Warrior de Brazil (TM). After years of training in hardcore fighting, he joined the Masked Warrior Alliance. Shortly thereafter, he began experimenting with dance/pop music and wrote the #1 hit single "Blue Azul, He's Cool."

After touring the world with Mr. Bassman and a metronome, El Azul was scouted by Dance Fighting Championship (TM) and debuted at Dance Fight II, where he became the first ever Hardcore Dancefight Champion. He held the title for months before being defeated and unmasked by the then-Andy "The Violator" Spitzer (TM). After that, El Azul began experimenting with drugs and giving body massages. No longer a Masked Warrior, he now calls himself Walkie-Talkie (TM), claiming to be both a little bit of walkie and a little bit of talkie.

While no longer fighting in the traditional Antiguan style, the town that made him who he is still holds a spot in their hearts for the music and dance-fighting abilities of the man once know as El Azul.

El Azul's other career highlights involve being the only Dancefighter (TM) ever to throw a combatant through a table and jump off of a 15-foot Steel Cage in a park.

In other DanceFight (TM) news, 1/2 Dance Fighting Heavy-Weight Champion Tosa Beach Bad Boy Patrick "A Real Champ" Freese of the Executive Board (TM) (and Walkie-Talkie's twin brother) turns 20 twenty. He celebrates in his frozen fortress in New Ulm, Minnesota, where he will translate ancient texts and plan how to further yield his authority in the Executive Board (TM).